Sometimes life absolutely stinks. Hospitals, taxes, unexpected expenses, paperwork, school deadlines, housing, stress, problems, more problems. I might gently smile for the poor slob who must suffer through all of those things… except that I am that poor slob. It’s been a tough ride for our family since moving to Calgary. I love Brentview and I love my role here… that’s been a blessing. But we still have not settled into the city. Our house on the island has not sold yet… which is amazing considering the market there. So we’ve been unable to buy a house in Calgary- while prices skyrocket here. We’ve lived for three months out of five suitcases. Last week, our beloved Saturn was deemed unworthy of Alberta, so we were hit with the unexpected expense of buying a new car. Medical issues have surfaced with one of our children… so we’re making extra trips to the hospital and doctor’s offices. We’re working overtime to help our son finish grade three through a homeschooling program. All of this while trying to start new jobs, meet new friends, provide love for our kids, and not lose our minds.
Over chaos, however, hovers the Spirit of God. We know God is at work in our lives. And we know he is so close. But we don’t know what he is doing! In many ways, that’s what makes the struggles so difficult to comprehend. The question on our hearts right now is: If God is near, why doesn’t he protect us better? As we endure, the truth is that at times I’m tempted to turn sour in my faith. At times, I feel as if chaos wants to seize my soul… and plunge me deep into it’s sick grasp. But I will not let go of God’s word.
To God’s word I cling. To God’s Spirit I look. Even while chaos pulls at my dangling feet, to God’s word I commit my heart… and all of the strength I have left. I will not fall into chaos. His word will not let me.
The next section of Psalm 119 expresses just that:
49 Remember your word to your servant,
for you have given me hope.
50 My comfort in my suffering is this:
Your promise preserves my life.
51 The arrogant mock me without restraint,
but I do not turn from your law.
52 I remember your ancient laws, O LORD,
and I find comfort in them.
53 Indignation grips me because of the wicked,
who have forsaken your law.
54 Your decrees are the theme of my song
wherever I lodge.
55 In the night I remember your name, O LORD,
and I will keep your law.
56 This has been my practice:
I obey your precepts.