Praying with The Simpsons

Liamneeson_simpsons1 Dear Lord, thank you for this microwave bounty, even though we don’t deserve it. I mean… our kids are uncontrollable hellions. Pardon my French, but they act like savages! Did You see them at the picnic? Of course You did: You’re everywhere, You’re omnivorous. O Lord! Why did you spite me with this family?  – Homer Simpson

Are you there, God? It’s me, Bart Simpson. I know I never paid too much attention in church but I could really use some of that good stuff right now. I’m afraid some weirdo’s got my soul and I don’t know what he’s going to do with it. – Bart Simpson

Can’t talk now, praying. Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me and I am thankful. For the first time in my life everything is absolutely perfect the way it is. So here’s the deal: you freeze everything as it is and I won’t ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. [pause] OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, please give me no sign. [pause] Thy will be done. [eats food] – Homer Simpson

Dear Lord, if you spare this town from becoming a smoking hole in the ground, I’ll try to be a better Christian. I don’t know what I can do… Mmm… oh, the next time there’s a canned food drive, I’ll give the poor something they’ll actually like instead of old lima beans and pumpkin mix. – Marge Simpson

One Comment

  1. At least they are honest! I’m sure God values that sincerity over the ever so wordy and obtuse prayers with veiled requests and open denials of truth often offered by the so-called religious, myself included.

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