the belchattitudes

Humpicbig
Here’s a self-absorbed twist on the beatitudes.

Blessed are those who are rich, for theirs is anything they want.
Blessed are those who are never sad, for they are never sad.
Blessed are those who have power, for theirs is anybody they want to get.
Blessed are those who are full of themselves, for they get to belch.
Blessed are those who don’t give second chances, for they don’t get hurt again.
Blessed are those whose hearts are evil, for they get to see whatever they want.
Blessed are those who are lazy, for they get to sit around.
Blessed are those who don’t follow God, for they don’t get persecuted like those who do.
Blessed are you when you are praised and adored by others because you are such an amazing specimen of humanity.  Be confident!  Be very proud of yourself!  A great reward awaits you because God thinks you are unbelievable!  And remember, there has never been anyone better than you.

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